The Sex Monster

Sex complicates things.

Back at the beginning of the month, I said I’d be talking about sex a bit. That hasn’t happened. There are a number of reasons for that, but the primary one is that sex complicates things.

For a while, as we pass through puberty, sex is one of the most all-consuming things around… that we know next to nothing about. Things that happen, no matter how stumbly and ill-conceived they may be, still stand a chance of being world-changing experiences (in a good way). Sure there are genuine bad experiences that can be had (most of those carry actual criminal charges), but between unskilled but willing amateurs the bar for “OK” is pretty low.

In that ebb and flow of wild, new, emotions and experiences, new standards are set and patterns are developed. We start to measure our own experiences on the pop culture images we’ve been fed and the (often exaggerated) stories of our peers. Confusion, consternation, and trouble can quickly set in.

And if you’re not getting any, it’s even worse.

Sex complicates things–even when you’re not having it–because you think you’re expected to. And if you’re not, something must be wrong.

Once that maelstrom of biology settles down a bit, and we get some age and experience under our belts (so to speak), we get a little more control over things. Those old patterns, habits and predilections from our formative years play through into new choices and undercurrents as we seek to continue our carnal development.

Of course, if our main goal is to get more sex, we can fall into a pool of shallow and manipulative interactions. We can quickly put ourselves and our own pleasure before that of our partner (or partners). We can become the worst of the stereotypes we see on TV or in the movies.

Thankfully, more often than not, we choose the more sensible path… the one that involves actually trying to take into account the feelings, wants and needs of the partners we choose. Even still, emotions and hormones and old wounds come together to create a difficult to navigate ocean of potential drama.

Sex complicates things–because even when we’re trying our hardest to be mindful of the other involved, we can’t know all of what’s going on in their heads or hearts. Heck, half the time we don’t even know what, exactly, is going on in our own when those more primal urges take over.

Even with all that potential for pain and confusion, the majority of people keep wanting and having sex. Why? Because it isn’t a bad thing. Because, while complicated and sometimes difficult to deal with, it is worth it with the right person. Because it’s a natural thing that we were built to do and deal with.

The title of this post comes from a movie I caught one late night on cable. It’s about a guy who convinces his wife to have a threesome with another woman. Things get complicated when he finds himself eventually locked out of the room. It’s a comedy, and it plays out well, but it teaches an important lesson.

Sex complicates things–mostly because our fantasies and reality are often out of sync… and the translation from one to the other isn’t always smooth or what we expect it to be.

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