In A Nutshell
How to Crush Without Being Crushed (The Art of Relationships, Real & Imagined) is about taking those crushes we all have and making use of them. Through indulging in and paying attention to our crushes, we can learn more about who we are and what we want, need, and have to offer in real relationships. Those critical skills applied in the “paying attention” portion of crushing also come in very handy in many other areas of life.
- Looking for relationship advice?
- Trying to fix relationship problems?
- Striving for a healthy relationship?
- Fighting against an obsessive crush?
- Just trying to develop as a more positive person?
Then you will find something useful in these pages.
Back in 2005, I was inspired during on online comment exchange to start in on a book about crushes. More specifically, the rules regarding crushes.
With a little more reflection, that turned into my idea for How to Crush Without Being Crushed. The main theme to the whole book is that you can learn a lot about yourself from the crushes you get on others. Basically a “how to learn from the relationships you’ll never have and apply that knowledge to the ones you will.”
The theory is all anchored in being able to tell fantasy from reality and, at one point or another, being able to detach yourself from your situation enough to clearly see where your influences are coming from and where your wants end and your needs begin.
This site is the working document for that theory and a collection of stories, musings and research regarding relationships in general.
Praise for WithoutBeingCrushed.com:
“I never read any of these series posts before because they were so long, but I’m glad I read this one. It’s wonderful. It reminds me of “The Missing Piece” by Shel Silverstein.”
“Very insightful. 🙂 I enjoyed reading.”
“This website is a godsend! I’m surprised you don’t have a harem of women… or do you?”
“I cant thank you enough for writing this. I just had an incredibly emotionally invested relationship end after 4 years. Last night I was able to talk to her and apologize for our incredibly nasty breakup a week earlier (she began dating 2 days after she dumped me) where i thought she had been cheating on me. I apologized for the nasty words and felt my heart at ease. We said our goodbyes and even though Im still feeling like shes the one that got away, your writing is helping me to anticipate and even prevent the feelings I will have. I know not to put her in a pedestal, that shes a person after all and If shes going to be happy in the future with her new relationship. Then im all for it. And even if I wasnt it wouldnt matter since shes not mine any longer. Thanks so much for the help.” (In response to this post)
“For some reason I’m feeling a bit like a fan girl, but I have to say I am really impressed with your finishing line.” (In response to this post.)
“This has been a wonderful story to follow. Thank you for writing it down.” (In response to this post.)
“This is going to be such a wonderful book.”
“I can entirely imagine myself reading this in a book.”
“Sounds like an excellent idea for a book! I wonder what I can learn about myself from my current crush on the 1973 Michael Landon…”