5 Ways to Deal With Your Negative Self

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series The Negative Self

Once you’re aware how you’re being influenced by aspects of your negative self, especially the fear it uses to hold you back, you can begin to deal with it.

There are a number of ways to deal with your negative self. Some will be more effective for you than others, and not all are usable in every situation. Of them all, there are only a few that are real, long-term solutions.

1. Try to Ignore It

Trying to ignore the role your negative self plays in your decisions and actions is usually the first thing we all do. Even after we recognize that it’s happening.

We’ll have the negative bits speak up in our heads and we’ll outright dismiss them. Fear? Yep, we’re scared, but it’s ridiculous to be scared, so let’s ignore that, too. Still making decisions based on fear and negativity? Deny it. It’ll go away, right?

For a little while, it might. If the stakes aren’t too high, ignoring the influence of our negative self may work. But it’s a bad habit to get into–especially if you’re aware the negative self exists (so all of you reading this, you have no excuse now–you know about it). Eventually, you won’t be able to ignore it any more. It will get you into trouble.

If you find yourself ignoring or denying the influence of your negative self. Make note of it and then try another way of dealing with it.

2. Go Around It

Sometimes, the negative self will put up a big old wall of fear and other problems. There’s no shame in not being able to break it down or climb over it. There’s another way to get where you’re going–go around.

Sure it’ll probably take longer than the direct route would, but if the direct way is no longer available, the only other choice is to give up.

Keep your main goal in mind, but look for other ways to get to it. Sometimes a side trip will lead you to the key of overcoming your fears by building the confidence you need for the last big leap to your ultimate goal.

3. Ask for Help

No matter what your negativity wants to tell you, you’re not in this alone. And there’s no shame in asking for help.

The simple fact is that sometimes an obstacle is just too much to overcome on your own. You may not have the skills yet to deal with the task–in the case of crushing and dating, maybe you haven’t yet figured out enough about yourself to know exactly what’s wrong, or maybe you haven’t developed the discipline to keep yourself from dating everyone you fall for. This is where your friends come in. Ask them for help. Sometimes just having someone to listen to your request for help will get the solution more straight in your head.

4. Fight It

Going head to head and toe to toe with your fears and negativity is a long-honored image.

We can fight tooth and nail against our negativity–seeking out help, denying ourselves things in order to build up resolve, performing mental calisthenics to dodge the things our negative self throws at us. All in the name of beating the negativity and fear down, squeezing it out of our lives.

This is most certainly active, and can be quite effective for some people and in some situations.

The thing is, the act of fighting and seeking to destroy something feeds the negative self. It may seem that you’re gaining headway–and that apparent gain may have a number of positive outcomes–but, in the long run, this is a fight you can’t win. It will get more difficult every time it comes up.

5. Embrace It

By far, the best way to deal with your negative self is to embrace it. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true.

Regardless of how much we may dislike those negative parts of ourselves, no matter how much we want to be completely rid of fear, no matter how much we want to be a pure positive force of change, the simple fact is those goals are impossible. We’re all human and humans are made up of both positive and negative traits. That’s just how it is.

Denying your negative self is denying half (or more) of what you are and what you are capable of. Negativity isn’t all bad–it helps us keep balanced. Fear isn’t, intrinsically, a bad thing–it keeps us from doing stupid and dangerous things.

If you want to deal with your negative self in a way that will lead you to a more full and happy life, embrace it. It’s not until you acknowledge it that you can begin to work with it to change it, to make use of the benefits it has to offer and minimize the problems it presents.

Choose to be a whole person. That’s what leads to good and lasting relationships.

Series NavigationFive Clues That Your Decisions Are Based on Fear
  • Anonymous

    I’m currently writing a post about the power of the subconscious – which really touches on a lot of the points you’ve made here. It’s amazing how capable we our of self-destructing. It’s also amazing how we are able to achieve so much just through positive thinking. Great advice, thanks for sharing!

    • Anonymous

      It is, indeed, amazing.

      For way too long, I was way too negative. Which, mostly, just lead to me being terribly unhappy. I spent a lot of time sulking (at best) and fighting with myself (which was much worse).

      Happiness, at least on a very basic level, is about choice.

      Can’t wait to se what you put together. 🙂

  • Pingback: A Self-Sustaining Core | How to Crush Without Being Crushed()

Get Adobe Flash player