Dealing With It

Whether you’re falling into crush after crush or getting yourself involved in a series of real relationships, there are going to be all sorts of things you’re going to have to deal with.

While crushing, you have to deal with all those random imagined qualities of the person you’re crushing on. You’re going to have to deal with deciding whether you can interact with them on a polite social level. And, eventually, you’re going to have to deal with whatever you decide to do about that crush.

In a relationship (or a series of relationship), you have to deal with the imperfections of yourself and the other person. You have to deal with the communication difficulties and random fears we all have. And, eventually, you’re going to have to deal with either ending the relationship or taking it to the next level.

Any of those alone can be stressful. Throw multiple ones together or get crushes and relationships that overlap and it can seem almost unbearable at times.

So how do you deal with it?

The answer to that is different for everyone.

Some deal with it by ignoring it until action is taken for them. Others try to manipulate the situation so they don’t have to be responsible for what happens. On the more positive side, some step right up and take decisive action as soon as possible. Others wait and analyze, taking in the emotions and logic of it all.

Mostly, you deal with it by pushing through until things seem better.

In the past, I know I’ve dealt with some things better than others. A long time ago, the hardest thing I had to deal with was the aftermath of having to break someone’s heart.

For a long time, I used that as a benchmark. Any time things would start feeling bad, or were difficult to deal with, I’d point back to that night and say “Well, I survived that, I can survive this.”

Somewhere along the way, though, things changed. There came a point where I grew confident enough in myself that things changing in my emotional life would no longer seem like the end of the world. A deep, underlying, sense of continuance began running through most of my actions and thoughts.

Sure, there are still spikes of anxiety and negative spirals that crop up. That’s all part of being human and continuing to grow and change. But I know full well that one relationship or one crush or one denial or one stupid thing said at the wrong time or one case of having to break someone’s heart is survivable.

Not only is it  survivable, it’s inevitable. Bad things are going to happen. We’re going to have to unpleasant things, sometimes to people we care about. Hopefully, we’ll choose to do that only when we know it’s for the best in the long run.

If something is inevitable, there’s no use wasting energy in worrying about “if” it’s going to happen. Heck, there’s little reason to worry about “when” it’s going to happen. Better to save that energy for when it does happen.

Then, you can use it to deal with it in the only real way that matters: by continuing to move forward and grow.

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  • Janis

    Hmm… having bounced back with a variety of experimental “relationships” and crushes of varying stages, I can confidently say the problem is not my ability to adapt to people if given half a chance. These post-apocalyptic “relationships” are going/fleeting/continuing/etc., but without any issues, largely because nobody feels the need to do anything massive or decisive in what’s not as big a deal as you seem to make it. Something doesn’t need a label unless you’re trying to identify it. And usually, if things are going ok, there’s no need to identify it – just go with it. And “ok” doesn’t mean perfect (or sometimes anywhere near it). But it’s ok to go, have fun, socialize, try different things, and it doesn’t have to require a change in inner or outer status to do so. You can’t have the most awesome time if your life at every party you go to. Sometimes you just get some free cookies out of it and feel like you’ve accomplished something on an otherwise boring weekend. Other times, it can be a fantastic time, and others still, it can be just a hang out and talk kind of thing.

    But you have to seriously learn to stop analyzing sometimes and just be… geez.

  • Janis

    Hmm… having bounced back with a variety of experimental “relationships” and crushes of varying stages, I can confidently say the problem is not my ability to adapt to people if given half a chance. These post-apocalyptic “relationships” are going/fleeting/continuing/etc., but without any issues, largely because nobody feels the need to do anything massive or decisive in what’s not as big a deal as you seem to make it. Something doesn’t need a label unless you’re trying to identify it. And usually, if things are going ok, there’s no need to identify it – just go with it. And “ok” doesn’t mean perfect (or sometimes anywhere near it). But it’s ok to go, have fun, socialize, try different things, and it doesn’t have to require a change in inner or outer status to do so. You can’t have the most awesome time if your life at every party you go to. Sometimes you just get some free cookies out of it and feel like you’ve accomplished something on an otherwise boring weekend. Other times, it can be a fantastic time, and others still, it can be just a hang out and talk kind of thing.

    But you have to seriously learn to stop analyzing sometimes and just be… geez.

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