What Works, Varies

Mixed Nuts - All different, all nuts, sometimes bad for youAs the month rolls to a close, I think it’s a good time to re-iterate a few important things about what goes on here (and not just because I still haven’t put the polish on more in-depth content.)

Semi-regularly, someone wanders through this site or hears me talking about the ideas I put forward on it and think it’s all just plain silly.

Well, for them, it may be.

The theories and practices here are most certainly not for everyone. They’re based on my own 20 years of struggling through having a different view on things. The standard rules and ways of doing things brought me more pain than joy, more regression than progression, so I had to try something different.

I wouldn’t wish the process I went through on anyone. It was unpleasant. At times, it still is. But that’s life–good and bad, all rolled into one.

We live in a diverse world. Biology and interaction shape each of us differently. While there are some basic rules we can agree on in general, it’s the specifics that can really mess us up. This is doubly true in the arena of Love and relationships.

Love is the single most joyous and painful thing any of us will ever deal with.

When it goes well, it feels like nothing can stop us. When it goes bad, it can make us want to just stop everything.

That’s the way things work. Pain, in some measure, is inevitable if you’re going to do anything worthwhile.

But if all you get is pain, you’re doing something wrong and have to figure out what that is and change it.

For some, it’s attempting to play by a different set of rules. For others, it’s changing who you are as a person.

The Crush Theory presented here is just one of hundreds of sets of rules and practices that may help you better understand yourself and what you need to be happy. It is a very non-standard set of practices, in some ways. It eschews the constant dating cycle that’s considered normal. It doesn’t focus on physical gratification and reproductive organ-fueled motivation.

For me–and a bunch of other people out there–those things are not major forces in our lives. Maybe we’re broken. Maybe we’re crazy. Maybe we’re just wired different than you. That doesn’t mean we can’t be happy. Doesn’t mean we can’t grow and learn about ourselves and others.

Yes, the bulk of what’s been written here so far is firmly planted in a crush-filled fantasy land. Criticize that starting point all you want, but don’t overlook that it’s billed as just that: a starting point. The key turning point in everything I write about is taking that fantasy and making it match with the external reality. And the coup de grace? That’s taking all the knowledge and making in into something by taking action–fully transforming that frivolous fantasy into something real and meaningful.

So, yes, this may all seem silly and useless to you. It may seem silly to dozens of you who come through here. But that one other person who’s helped by something here–whether it’s because it strikes a chord of truth with them or because it smacks so hard of ridiculousness that their own opinions become more clear–more than makes up for that.

  • spleeness

    It’s not silly at all. You have no idea how many of your posts have helped and uplifted me when I needed it. This one, for one example… keep writing, ok?

    • Thank you.

      I just need to make it clear every now and then that what I offer isn’t a perfect or universal solution. I fully understand how ridiculous a lot of the ideas seem to some people–many people who’s opinions I respect and who I give a damn about, in fact.

      There’s not much that would keep me from writing about things like this.

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