You’ve all heard me mention the book I’m working on. If we hang out, you’ve heard me pitch it more than a few times. Well, I’ve actually been doing work on it (not just talking about it) in an effort to get some sort of web presence set up by about this time next week. Not sure yet if I’m going to make that self-imposed deadline.
But, what I do have is the backbone of the book. I present to you, in a rough and totally abbreviated form…
The Seven Types of Crushes
The Grown-Up Crush–Also known as the Adult Crush. This is the main crush the book will deal with. It entails realizing your crushing on someone and using that fantasy relationship to explore aspects of yourself (like what you want and need in a relationship, what you can contribute to one, what really turns you on in meaningful ways in a relationship). A Grown-Up crush is a tool for self-discovery and allows a foundation for a real, solid relationship–either romantic or platonic–to be built.
The Puppy Love Crush–Also known as the Childlike Crush. This is a pure crush, not focused on sex. Rather it is that longing for closeness that many of us can probably remember from our grade school years. Those times when we just really really liked being around someone, and yet, couldn’t put our finger on why. As we matured, so did our understanding of the reasons we were attracted to someone. Once we’re in our teens, Puppy Love crushes are few and far between.
The Hot Crush–Also known as the Adolescent Crush. Ah, the days of raging hormones… when one thought summed up the whole of our existence: “I want to do her.” (Or him, of course.) There’s not much more than lust behind this crush type. Usually, it’s a surface attraction (“Damn, she’s smokin’ hot! I’d hit that.”) But, as we all know, that can be a powerful force to reckon with. The Hot crush can easily turn into an Obsessive crush or, if you actually cool down enough to get to know the person, a very useful Grown-Up crush.
The Obsessive Crush–Also known as the Stalker Crush or just plain Obsession. This is what happens when a crush gets out of control. The line between fantasy and reality has been crossed and ignored. The crush-er may even imagine the feelings he or she has are mutual. A full-blown Obsessive crush can be a very dangerous thing–for both the crush-er and the crush-ee.
The Friend Crush–Everyone’s been there (or seen the movie–so many movies). You’ve known someone for years, have formed a great friendship with them, and then, one day out of the blue *wham!* you’re suddenly head over heels for them. This isn’t always a bad thing and, more often than not, can be handled. The Friend Crush can usually be transformed into an advanced Grown-Up Crush. If dealt with in a sensible and thoughtful way, it can lead to either a stronger friendship or the best damn romantic relationship you can have.
The Hollywood Crush–Also known as the Character Crush or the Literary Crush. Can you fall for a fictional character? You bet you can. This is a pure fantasy crush (for most people, except, of course, Katie Holmes–who did have a crush on Tom Cruise when she was much younger). Often, it rides along with a Hot Crush (especially when dealing with movie stars). Unless it creeps into Obsession, this can be the most fun crush–and one that’s easy to share with people around you. You can learn a lot by looking at the characters you fall for.
The Internet Crush–Also known as the Public Crush. It’s a crush! It’s flirting! Stop! You’re both right! This is one that crosses the boundaries between just crushing on someone and flirting with them. These days, there’s usually a public or semi-public bit of banter that goes back and forth between the crush-er and the crush-ee. One or both may just see it as a game, those watching the messages go back and forth may not be so sure. This one can cause trouble in some real relationships, but can also be a healthy outlet. Of course, it could also deteriorate into outright stalking. This one’s best used only if many, many miles separate the people involved.
As always, feedback is much appreciated.