The Seven Types of Crushes

You’ve all heard me mention the book I’m working on. If we hang out, you’ve heard me pitch it more than a few times. Well, I’ve actually been doing work on it (not just talking about it) in an effort to get some sort of web presence set up by about this time next week. Not sure yet if I’m going to make that self-imposed deadline.

But, what I do have is the backbone of the book. I present to you, in a rough and totally abbreviated form…

The Seven Types of Crushes

The Grown-Up Crush–Also known as the Adult Crush. This is the main crush the book will deal with. It entails realizing your crushing on someone and using that fantasy relationship to explore aspects of yourself (like what you want and need in a relationship, what you can contribute to one, what really turns you on in meaningful ways in a relationship). A Grown-Up crush is a tool for self-discovery and allows a foundation for a real, solid relationship–either romantic or platonic–to be built.

The Puppy Love Crush–Also known as the Childlike Crush. This is a pure crush, not focused on sex. Rather it is that longing for closeness that many of us can probably remember from our grade school years. Those times when we just really really liked being around someone, and yet, couldn’t put our finger on why. As we matured, so did our understanding of the reasons we were attracted to someone. Once we’re in our teens, Puppy Love crushes are few and far between.

The Hot Crush–Also known as the Adolescent Crush. Ah, the days of raging hormones… when one thought summed up the whole of our existence: “I want to do her.” (Or him, of course.) There’s not much more than lust behind this crush type. Usually, it’s a surface attraction (“Damn, she’s smokin’ hot! I’d hit that.”) But, as we all know, that can be a powerful force to reckon with. The Hot crush can easily turn into an Obsessive crush or, if you actually cool down enough to get to know the person, a very useful Grown-Up crush.

The Obsessive Crush–Also known as the Stalker Crush or just plain Obsession. This is what happens when a crush gets out of control. The line between fantasy and reality has been crossed and ignored. The crush-er may even imagine the feelings he or she has are mutual. A full-blown Obsessive crush can be a very dangerous thing–for both the crush-er and the crush-ee.

The Friend Crush–Everyone’s been there (or seen the movie–so many movies). You’ve known someone for years, have formed a great friendship with them, and then, one day out of the blue *wham!* you’re suddenly head over heels for them. This isn’t always a bad thing and, more often than not, can be handled. The Friend Crush can usually be transformed into an advanced Grown-Up Crush. If dealt with in a sensible and thoughtful way, it can lead to either a stronger friendship or the best damn romantic relationship you can have.

The Hollywood Crush–Also known as the Character Crush or the Literary Crush. Can you fall for a fictional character? You bet you can. This is a pure fantasy crush (for most people, except, of course, Katie Holmes–who did have a crush on Tom Cruise when she was much younger). Often, it rides along with a Hot Crush (especially when dealing with movie stars). Unless it creeps into Obsession, this can be the most fun crush–and one that’s easy to share with people around you. You can learn a lot by looking at the characters you fall for.

The Internet Crush–Also known as the Public Crush. It’s a crush! It’s flirting! Stop! You’re both right! This is one that crosses the boundaries between just crushing on someone and flirting with them. These days, there’s usually a public or semi-public bit of banter that goes back and forth between the crush-er and the crush-ee. One or both may just see it as a game, those watching the messages go back and forth may not be so sure. This one can cause trouble in some real relationships, but can also be a healthy outlet. Of course, it could also deteriorate into outright stalking. This one’s best used only if many, many miles separate the people involved.

As always, feedback is much appreciated. :)

  • Pingback: How to Crush Without Being Crushed » Breaking the Silence: 5 Steps to Announcing Your Crush

  • Jess

    What about the long distance crush? Like when you admire someone, but you’re too nervous to talk to them. And so they don’t even know that you exist. Because of the lack of progress of the relationship in reality, it evolves to a grown-up crush.

    • Anonymous

      Good question!

      I tend to think of “long distance” as an add-on descriptor to the other crush types. Because, while it can definitely be a big deal and make some things easier or more difficult, I’ve seen more than a few real relationships thrive with many miles between the people involved.

      If that initial nervousness can be overcome, there’s a chance–no matter how slim–that some sort of real relationship (romantic or platonic) could be kindled.

      Of course, if it’s working just fine for you as a grown up crush and you’re learning good things about yourself, putting that knowledge to use locally could be even more useful and fulfilling. (How you do that, of course, is up to you.)

      Thanks for reading!

  • kristine

     What about a ‘hate crush’? what does that mean?

    • Anonymous

      Can’t say I’ve ever heard of a “hate crush”.

      There are those relationships that start off based on a bit of antagonism, but I’ve always seen that as more the product of the ridiculous relationship games we’re all trained to think are the way things need to be. Either that or one (or both) parties involved not wanting to admit who they really are and what they really want out of a relationship.

      Definitely an interesting concept, though. Have you heard of it before? If so, where? I’m curious!

  • Crayon

    This is so cool! I am in-between a grown-up crush and a puppy one, as well as having several hollywood ones at the moment xD These were a very interesting read, and I’d love to read a book if you make one :)

    • http://www.durosia.com Kier Duros

      Glad you enjoyed it… and good luck on your crushes. :)

      Sadly, plans for a book are way off track at this point. But if that changes, it’ll show up here for sure.

  • Nicky

    I’m the friend crush! The explaination relates so well, to the situation I’m in, at the moment.

    • http://www.durosia.com Kier Duros

      Glad you found the descriptions here helpful and relatable. Good luck out there!

  • Blobfish

    What about the best friend brother or sister crush?

  • Sanjeev

    what about the 2nd cousin crush? :/

Get Adobe Flash player