Why are you interested in getting into a relationship?

Why are you in a relationship now?

Why do you stay in this relationship?

Is it for her?

Or him?

Or you?

Is it because “that’s just what people do?”

Why do you do what you’re doing?

If you can’t honestly answer that most basic question, you probably shouldn’t be in the relationship.

Successful relationships, like most of life, require willful action.

Self Control

Without Self Control, there’s no way other than dumb luck that you’re going to keep from falling so hard into a crush that you’ll get hurt and confused. Self Control allows you to deliberately move one step at a time. It allows you to step outside of your actions and realize what the outcomes (intended or unintended) may be. Most importantly, it allows you to not make what you know is a really bad decision.

Like many things, you get better at Self Control through practice. Start small in an unrelated area of your life–preferably something that doesn’t have a lot of emotional energy weight behind it. Decide to do something in a certain way, at a certain time for a certain duration. Exercise is a good example, as would be a hobby like painting or writing. Learn what it feels like to be in control of yourself. What it’s like to focus and separate yourself from the distractions around you.

Self Control isn’t easy to master. As humans, we’re fallible creatures. If you slip up, don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s part of the learning process. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again.

Make Self Control into a habit. As a general rule, it takes about three weeks to get into a groove with a habit. It takes three days (or three missed iterations) to break that groove.

Taking control of your actions and thoughts will help you not get swept away by the emotions involved in crushes. Or, at least, it will let you more easily get your feet back on the ground once you’ve fallen head over heels.

Imagination

Most of the work of discovery done in the course of a Grown Up Crush takes place in your head. Because of this, Imagination is exceptionally important. Without a solid Imagination, you’ll find it difficult to run yourself through fictional scenarios with your crush.

Imagination is one part storytelling, one part acting and one part creativity. Don’t worry–we all have those parts in us. The thing is, most people let the mental muscles that make up those parts atrophy as they creep into their adult years. As children, most of us had fantastic imaginations. Try to reclaim that.

Like everything else, Imagination takes some practice. Prod it into action through some creative work–writing or sketching or painting, anything will do. Be silly with it. Be serious with it. Just get used to stepping outside of plain old reality. It’s good for you, even if you’re not going to run with the Grown Up Crush idea.

Even better, you can practice your Self Control and work your Imagination at the same time. Do something creative at the same time every day or every few days during the week. That way you can really have a handle on the whole process.

Introspection

Everything involved in a Grown Up Crush is useless without Introspection. In deciding you wanted to learn more about yourself, you’ve already begun practicing some of the key points needed for worthwhile Introspection.

Honesty and an ability to not get drawn down into self-destructive criticisms are two key components to Introspection. You have to be able to objectively look at a situation–either during or after the fact–and evaluate it.

How did the situation make you feel? How did your actions influence things? What could have gone better? What could have gone worse? Those are just some of the questions you need to address after each step in the Grown Up Crush.

Sometimes it’s hard to answer those questions honestly. It hurts to realize we didn’t do as well as we had hoped or to admit that what we did hurt someone else. Keep in mind that it’s impossible to actually live life without stumbling and sometimes inadvertently hurting others. As time goes on, both of those occurrences should decrease.

Introspection takes just as much practice as Imagination and Self Control. It’s also intimately tied to those two things. Together they make up the core of any program of personal development.

Action

Without Action, nothing you do matters.

You can imagine and evaluate things all you want, but unless you do something with the knowledge and information you gain, nothing changes.

The goal of the Grown Up Crush is change.

When you decide to do something, set a deadline and then do it by that deadline. If you miss the deadline, take a step back and look at why you missed it.

Be Introspective about it–don’t make excuses. Know why you do (or don’t do) things. Work to understand and change.

Be Creative in deciding what to do and how to do it–creative action can have a much deeper effect on yourself and others than plain wrote action.

Most importantly, be in Control of your actions–the main way you’re going to get hurt (or hurt others) is by rushing off half-cocked and flailing into a situation. Even when things go in unexpected ways, be confident enough in yourself that you stop for a moment and think about what you’re going to do before you do it. Alternately, be well-practiced enough that some useful responses are automatic and instinctual.

With the four tools of Self Control, Imagination, Introspection and Action, you can move forward not just with your Grown Up Crush work, but with many other things in life.

And every single time I’m surprised that it’s so easy to lose sight of it.

We spend so much of our lives chasing Love. We make fools of ourselves for it. We hurt ourselves and others in the name of it. We grow and celebrate and twist and turn and laugh and cry in pursuit of it.

But oh so rarely do we actually stop and think about what it is.

Too often it’s not until we’ve had it and “lost” it that we wake up and think “Oh! That’s what it’s supposed to be like!”

Even then we don’t quite get it–because we think we’ve lost it.

That right there is the biggest misconception ever.

Real Love isn’t something you can lose.

Real Love is something you give.

We can chase and reach all we want–that won’t get us Love.

But we forget that. We think it’s all about what we get from others. We think we have to receive for it to be good. We think what we should only give our Love when we’re going to get it back.

Most of these misconceptions come from how we’re told things “should” be. As anyone who has taken a minute to think about the matter, few things are ever how we think they “should” be. All of our “shoulds” don’t mean a bit in the face of what is.

When it comes to Love, what is is that we get it only if we give it. When given freely and without expectation, something always comes back our way. Or, even more frequently (and more frequently missed), something else wells up within us.

Without fail, we all forget that inner joy. Instead we quest for the flutter and flame of romance (so much easier to recognize, so much easier to explain to others). We look for that and we call it Love. If we’re lucky, in a moment of fun, we forget we want something in exchange for what we give and real Love slips in.

I know I’m as guilty as anyone of forgetting what real Love is like.

But, every now and then, when I’m out and about, I run into someone I do actually Love. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone I’ve Loved for weeks, months or years, the effect is always the same.

I see them happy and I smile. I smile because that’s all I ever want for someone I really Love–for them to be happy.

Sure, I wish it was me making them happy, but that’s secondary to what is real.

If you Love someone, their happiness is what fills you with joy.

That is where the connection is made.

The best case is that they feel the same way. Then the system feeds itself and you discover something better than Romance. You discover that feeling you’ve been looking for, loud and strong, resonating between you and another person.

More typically, they don’t feel the same way and you feel a bittersweet twinge. The bitter part comes from the unrequited hopes, not the unrequited Love. If you can move past that, you’ll see that the deeper feeling still rings true.

Of course, the only way to get to that point is to practice. I prefer to practice by crushing on people. Right off the top I’m not looking for actual returned feelings. As time passes and I get to know her as a person, though, it becomes easier and easier to separate my hopes from what is.

The actual Love becomes disentangled from the Romance and the weight of expectation and want.

I forget that, sometimes.

But all it ever takes to remind me, is seeing her smile.

We met at a very outdoorsy community service project my service group was working on. She was a friend of a friend and had spent most of the day trudging through the underbrush on the other side of the project site. It as right at the end of the day that I actually met her. Immediately, I was smitten.

That summer, I spent a whole lot of time hoping that she’d still be around when school started back up.

Sure enough, she was. Even better, she was living right down the hall from me.

Relatively quickly, we got to be pretty good friends.

We’d spend hours just sitting in her room talking. Every night we’d be there until she was just ready to doze off. And every night, as I left we would hug and smile and wish each other well.

I, of course, became even more smitten.

Then one night, in a rare flash of want overcoming sensibility, I kissed her after that last hug of the evening.

Without a doubt, she was a bit surprised.

I went to bed thinking things were OK.

The next day, and for about a year afterward, I would know differently.

A lot changed after that opportunistic meeting of lips. At first, she just became a little distant, more guarded around me. Then, as she moved off floor (for other reasons), she became a lot distant. For months she would barely acknowledge my existence. Not responding to e-mails or attempts to chat in public places.

Losing her like that was compounded by the collapse of my academic career and being frozen out by another friend of mine (who I also had quite the crush on, of course).

That was kind of a bad bit of time for me. What weighed on my most, though, was not knowing the “why” of it all.

I only had half the story. In and of itself, that’s not a problem. The problem came up when I tried to figure out the other half with nothing except that kiss to go on.

My mind spiraled into myriad things–she hated me, I disgusted her, somehow that kiss had been a breach of an unspoken platonic guarantee, it had destroyed the friendship and hurt her more than I ever wanted to.

All of it, I surmised, was my own fault.

Perhaps just as bad would have been if I had managed to be detached and blind enough to be able to say that none of it was my fault.

Very rarely do any of us have the full story. Our minds fill in the blanks as best they can, drawing on our fears and hopes. Filling in the blanks, however, does not mean we’ve guessed right or that we’re even close to the reality. More often than not, in retrospect, those wild imaginings make no more sense than your average Mad Libs story.

That’s something we all forget easily in the joy or pain of the moment.

Reality goes on with or without us being aware of it. Better to try to hold on and follow it than be rudely awakened by it later on down the road.

Eventually, about a year after that kiss, after a lot of dust had settled and many other things had changed, I caught up with her and we actually talked a little about what had gone on. Her side of the story wasn’t at all what I had expected it to be. No, I hadn’t offended her or scared her off. My (not completely unwelcome) advance had come hot on the heels of her life getting more complicated as she began to fall for people and other people began to announce their desire for her. So she pulled back and made hard choices.

None of that was my fault. It was the reality of the situation. And, up until that moment, there would have been no way for me to know that.

Communication is the linchpin of any relationship–romantic or otherwise. It’s the only way all involved can get the whole picture, the only way they can know more than half (or less) of the story.

If we remember that, it can help us keep those wild imaginings in their place. If we remember that, it can help us not get lost in the clouds or the abyss, so we can see more clearly and choose more wisely.

A few more years down the line, in a random conversation with some other friends about “the good old days” of that second year at college, I discovered that there was even more to the story than even she had told me. Not anything vitally important, mind you, but extra bits of context that made it easier to understand her confusion and need to pull away.

Just an extra added reminder that even when you think you’ve got the whole story, you probably still don’t.

Reality just keeps moving on, with or without you…

By taking a few minutes and answering five questions–the first of many you’ll eventually be asking yourself as the process goes on–you can discover a little bit more about where you’re starting from.

1. Do you really want to learn more about yourself?
2. Why do you want or not want to learn more about yourself?
3. Are you happy with who you are now?
4. How do you think others would describe you?
5. How would you describe your ideal mate?

Everything from here on out requires that you be honest with yourself. Especially about things that make you uncomfortable. Without that commitment to honesty, you won’t be able to effectively take advantage of the idea of the Grown Up Crush.

There’s no rush when it comes to the process you’re about to embark on. Everyone works at their own pace and has their own comfort level. You may decide along the way that this process isn’t for you, at least not now, and abandon it. Later, you may decide to give it another try and things will just click.

So answer those five questions and keep them where you’ll be able to reference them later. A special file on your computer or a hard copy journal could be very useful.

The starting point gives you somewhere to gauge how far you’ve gone. It gives you an anchor point and, in a worst case scenario, a port of sorts to return to.

The rough idea of what you’re looking for gives you the reason to leave that port in the first place. For explorers of old, like Magellan and Columbus, that rough idea was “I want to see what else is out there (and maybe make some cash finding better ways around).” So they set sail into uncharted waters and, along the way, charted them.

While doing that they pushed the limits of reason, of the technology of the time and of themselves and their crew. Some of those limits expanded more easily than others when hit, some of them more painfully and with greater repercussions. Everyone involved–and, soon enough, all of the world–ended up with different limits. And all of those limits were farther from the starting point than when they started.

In our own lives, we all develop limits. There is only so far we comfortably stray from our safe ports–be they physical or mental–before turning around and coming back. Rarely do most venture out in to the uncharted territories, those places on the map labeled only “Here there be dragons.”

But if you’re really interested in growing, in learning about yourself and, ultimately, building better relationships, you have to venture into those dark waters.

Before you do that it helps to know the same two things any other explorer should know: where you’re starting and what you’re hoping to accomplish.

Without the proper preparation, you have little point of reference and may find yourself going endlessly in circles. If you lose sight of where you started, you run deeper and farther into dangerous places that you’re not quite ready for.

The first rule is “Know thyself.”

That is your starting point.

Your goal? Know thyself better.

Yes, that’s a broad and some would say easily achievable goal.

After all, everything we do can teach us a little more about ourselves, right?

Yes, anything can… but most of us don’t bother to learn like that. We learn best when put in more extreme situations.

We discover the most about ourselves when we push ourselves (or, in some cases, are pushed) to our current personal limits. One nudge beyond that, one step over that line we could see so clearly from where we once stood, and we are out of our comfort zone and in completely new territory.

Once you’re in that new space, you may find it’s not as bad as you imagined. More importantly, you’ll have not only learned something about yourself, you’ll have tested that knowledge and taken action with it.

The second rule is: Knowledge that is not tested, is not proven.

When exploring your own personal limits, engage in deep thinking and thought experiments. Role play different scenarios, either alone or with trusted friends. Discuss things. But, when given the chance, act on what you know.

You will, without a doubt, discover some limits that you can’t–or won’t choose to–push. That’s OK. Those are important limits. They mark end points, and end points can be almost as important as yours tarting point. The more you find, the better defined your map of yourself becomes.

But if endpoints are important, why not choose one from the beginning? Why not work toward a specific goal instead of the more general one?

You can do that.

In doing so, though, you run the risk of forgetting to pay attention to the journey and the opportunities it provides. By going after one goal, you may miss out on other, unexpected and equally important discoveries.

No matter what, you will end up in a different place from where you began–a new starting point for your next adventure in self exploration.

It happens to the best of us, no matter how well we know ourselves, no matter how hard we try to keep it form happening. It’s just part of the process.

The important thing is to, in those moments of clarity that always pop up in such a situation, to be able to recognize you’ve crossed a line. Once you’re aware of that, then you can pull yourself back before you get totally squished by an obsessive crush.

Here’s seven warning signs to look for.

1. You think about the object of your crush all the time.

Obsession is one of those things that sneaks up on you. If you’re not aware of your own normal patterns, you may not notice it at all. But if you do pay attention to where your mind wanders, you should be able to catch it drifting again and again to the same person. The tricky thing here is that there’s a fine line between fond daydreams and obsessive thoughts. Know where that line lies for you and, if you feel you’re crossing it, stop yourself.

2. Your crush starts to get in the way of your everyday life.

When you start to seriously change your patterns of behavior just to catch a glimpse of the object of your affection, you could be in trouble. If those pattern changes get in the way of your job or interactions with friends or family, you’re crossing into a danger zone. Rein in your obsession before it takes a chunk out of your life and livelihood.

3. You find yourself doing things you swore you would never do.

Sending five e-mails to the same person in a row. Incessantly calling and hanging up. Staying up all night in your car, parked across from her apartment building. Yeah, things like that. Things you once looked at and said “Gee, that’s ridiculous!” Check yourself and your actions. Have you become that creepy character you used to make fun of in movies?

4. You’re not working to mesh fantasy and reality.

Even if you do start slipping into all three of the things mentioned above, it can still be OK and part of the normal progression from crush to relationship. The key to that? Making an effort to reconcile the fantasy you have going on with what actually is. If you’re working up the nerve to talk to your crush, it’s OK to balk a few times. But if it becomes a constant thing, or you lose sight of where that line is between fantasy and reality (see below), you’re in trouble.

5. If asked, the object of your crush would either not know you or be afraid of you.

Part of moving from fantasy to reality is actually interacting in a productive way with the object of your crush. If he or she doesn’t know who you are or–even worse–is being totally creeped out by what you’ve been doing, stop and give him or her some space. If you haven’t crossed the line into obsessive stalker territory, this shouldn’t be much of a problem. A little time and breathing room can go a long way to clearing up misconceptions. Most of the time.

6. Your friends have told you you’re taking things too far.

The simple fact of the matter is that we’re often blind to our own actions. Even if you’ve spent years getting to know yourself, there’s always something you can’t see. This is where your friends become important. Good friends will let you know when you cross lines. Great friends will go out of their way to pull you back into safe and sane territory. If you’re keeping your crush and what you do in relation to that crush a secret from even your closest friends, you’re treading on dangerous ground and may already be in a very bad place. If you’re not sure, get a second opinion from someone you trust.

7. You can’t distinguish reality from fantasy.

If someone asks if you have girlfriend and you say “Yes” and start telling stories about all the dates you’ve been on, the person you name should be able to corroborate those stories. If they can’t you’re either lying on purpose to the person asking or you’ve lost your grasp on reality and gotten stuck in a fantasy world. Chances are you won’t realize this. If you’ve made it this far into destructive crush territory, it may take some serious intervention (and a whole lot of trouble) to get back on the right side of the fence. Depending on how far astray you’ve wandered, there may be legal action that happens (restraining orders are not good things, being picked up for attempted murder due to imagined jealousy is even worse). It is much easier to not let things get to this point.

Crushes are wonderful and useful things, but they can also lull you into a fantasy life that has no real connection to the rest of the world. Keep at least one foot on the ground at all times, no matter how high in the clouds your head may be and you’ll be able to avoid the worst of the problems above. Be open and honest with yourself and those around you and you won’t have to do that alone.

One thing that I’ve been reminded of more than a few times lately is that I was never properly socialized to really interact out on the dance floor.

Back in high school, when a lot of people were getting their groove on, I was still smarting from a crush gone bad from the previous three years. Dances brought with them a lot of bad memories. More importantly, I had more than secured my position as a social outcast among many of my peers. After a couple of snubs, I reserved myself to enjoying what I could by myself.

So, I never learned to dance, let alone dance with someone else. I was uncomfortable with my body in just about every way possible. I had convinced myself that everyone else must be equally uncomfortable with me.

In later years, that old habit of just being on my own would prove one of the hardest to break. I still find myself falling back into it.

Especially out on the dance floor.

For the past fifteen years or so, I’ve actively and passively studied how people interact with one another in numerous situations. When I’m out I can pick out a guy who’s interested in a certain girl at 20 paces. I can just as easily pick out a girl who’s trying to get a guy’s attention.

Except, of course, if that guy is me.

If it’s me, I’m blind and dumb until well after the fact. And, if by some miracle, a moment of clarity happens and I do realize it, I have no automatic reaction to rely on. Instead, I have to run through everything I know about interaction in my head and then pick the proper course of action.

Invariably, this misses that key moment when a move could be made.

Luckily, I’m not all that interested in making moves in the traditional sense. It still bothers me that I miss chances to meet new people, though. It bothers me even more that it’s a habit I haven’t been able to break.

We all have patterns we follow. As we grow, some of those patterns change on their own. Other patterns don’t change unless we recognize them and work to change them. Both parts of that can be terribly difficult.

A few weeks ago, while I was out at a local venue, bopping around to the music, a lovely young lady repeatedly moved back and forth through the space I was occupying. The first few times, I didn’t think anything of it at all. The next few times, I noticed that she kept glancing at me not just as she went by, but at other times when she was a short distance away.

Eventually, she was there in front of me, moving in a similar pattern to the sad excuse for “dancing” that I usual perpetrate upon the world. We smiled at one another. Laughed at the ridiculousness of what I was doing. Then she started in with some small talk.

And that’s where it all kind of fell apart.

See, aside from the lag time in realizing that someone may actually be interested in dancing with me there’s another part to that old habit of mine: I just don’t relate well to people I don’t know well in a dance-floor setting. Part of it is because it’s very difficult to hear some people with the music thump-thump-thumping along. Part of it is because I don’t know if they can hear me. And the bulk of it is just a plain old lack of experience back when my patterns were being formed.

She threw out some words with a sly grin. I answered them quickly and kind of dryly (because my brain was still thinking they were actual questions that needed answers and wanted those answers to be heard). There was an awkward pause or three. And she excused herself, never to bee seen again.

It wasn’t until much later that I fully realized just how much I had blown her off.

What would the correct response have been?

Well, for starters, I probably should have introduced myself at some point. That’s another thing I often forget to do. It comes from a lot of years when it didn’t make a difference who I was (at first because no one cared in a negative way–they didn’t really want much to do with me–then because no one cared in a positive way–they knew we’d run into one another again soon anyway).

Right there I sabotaged my chance to make a new friend.

Whether you’re looking for some “fun” or you’re “just” looking to meet new people, making some interaction habit–and breaking out of old habits that isolate you–is a major thing.

I’m getting better. Through looking back on interactions like the one above, I see where my shortcomings are. Through watching others go through similar motions, I see how it’s normally done. And, finally, thought putting myself back in similar situations (no matter how awkward I feel in them), I begin to break the old habit, little by little.

Since one of the key steps in fully realizing a grown up crush is making that leap from fantasy to reality–actually getting to know the object of your crush as a person–there’s no getting around some amount of social interaction.

To do that, some of us have a lot more bad habits to overcome than others.

But if we work at it, we can change for the better.

And our lives will be better for it.

The invitation itself was a surprise. The geniality of the other people there–people who generally didn’t have a lot to do with me in school–was even more surprising. I don’t remember who played, let alone who won the big game, but I remember having a good time.

I had a good time because there were different rules involved. Rules so different from what governed normal interactions in school that who I was didn’t make as much of a difference. It was a small group, most of whom I knew from other non-school venues (like church). It was at someone’s house (so there was no chance of uncontrolled viewing). And, perhaps above all else, it was the Super Bowl–one of those big-deal events that lends itself to the blurring of most lines of division (other than those among fans of the opposing teams, at least).

Every playing field has different rules. Those of the classroom were different from those of the lunchroom. Those of the school were different from those of the community in general. And those of the Super Bowl party were different from everything else.

The key to fitting in in different situations is to know the rules for that playing field and playing by them. I’m constantly reminded that it’s the second part of that key that makes the big difference. After all, I’ve known a lot of sets of rules for different situations for a long time. I just choose to not play by them sometimes.

Fitting in isn’t the important thing pop culture and politics try to tell us it is. Without a doubt, it can be useful and affirming. But it can also very easily become and end in and of itself. When that happens, personal growth becomes stunted and we stand the chance of losing ourselves in the name of our pursuit.

I agreed to go to that long-ago Super Bowl party for two reasons. First, it was being hosted by a girl I had a good sized crush on (not that rare of an occurrance). Second, she actually invited me (a rare thing back then). There were times I wanted desperately to fit in, this party was almost one of them.

Once at it, though, I learned that, because the rules were different, I didn’t have to make an effort to fit in.

Even though I didn’t make the connection at the time, looking back situations like that–ones where we don’t have to strain who we are in order to fit in–are the ones we should seek out most during our developing years. For me, that didn’t happen and I spent a good deal of time miserable and confused.

We’re all cut out to be good in different situations. It may take us some time to find those situations. And even when we find them, there may still be some work involved to smooth out the rough edges. Without question there will be places where you feel more at home and others where you won’t. Using that as a baseline guide, you can begin to figure yourself out.

It really is all a big game. And just like a professional athlete, we’re always learning the play book and making notes on the field conditions and the other teams. The difference between football and fitting in, though, is that with the latter everyone can come out a winner.

Why? Because when you really get down to it, we’re all on the same team.

Back in high school, very, very few people have any clue where they fit in. That’s why it’s so divisive. We were all lost and funbling around.

For a few hours, and with the help of a few pizzas and some wings, anyone can feel like they belong.

Once you’ve felt that once, you kind of spend the rest of your life trying to feel it gain.

And that is an attainable goal.

As anyone who even casually reads here knows, high school played a large role in setting the groundwork for who I am now. That all became very clear to me when the ten year mark was rolling around and I got involved in the planning of that reunion.

Well, that plan didn’t quite execute and here we are five years later, trying again.

For me, high school sucked. A lot. I was obsessed with relationships I wouldn’t ever do anything about. I secured my space as a social outcast by refusing to play by the standard rules. And I had the youthful audacity to blame my unhappiness on the world at large instead of my own choices.

If it was such a horrible time, you may ask, then why do you want to relive it?

Why? Because I firmly believe that only by facing our own shortcomings of the past–only by learning from those mistakes and remembering the lessons learned way back when–can we fully be ourselves now.

Over the last year or so, as I went back through an old hand-written journal or two from those dark high school days of the early 90s, I was reminded of many things I had let slip through the cracks of depression. There were good times back then, I just chose to remember the bad ones. Without a doubt, that gave me fuel for change, but the change it created was flawed and had trouble sticking.

Most of those skewed memories involved relationships, be they pining, one-sided, romantic ones or vibrant platonic ones. In the past decade and a half I’ve come to terms with a lot of that and become a happier person because of it.

One of the greatest joys has been reconnecting with those old crushes and seeing how their lives have turned out. Talking with them about the “not-so-good old days” is empowering. I have a chance to finally tell them what I wanted to say all those years ago.

“You know, back in high school, I had a huge crush on you.” Or, “You were one of the few bright spots in those dark days, thank you.”

It’s empowering. Perhaps more importantly, it’s allowing me to clear up a lot of fog in my own head… allowing me to see just how far I’ve come.

And I’m not the only one who’s come a long way. Just about everyone I’ve spoken with from that long ago and far away land of High School has grown into themselves. Sure, some are happier than others, and some, unfortunately, have fallen on hard times they could never have imagined fifteen years ago, but on average things are good.

They’re all still pretty recognizable, though. If not in face and body, then in attitude and presentation. Some things don’t change much, it seems.

Our core self is prepped in those formative high school years. They are the last time we share a common setting with a large group of our peers. The last time we regularly interact with the people we grew up with.

Love it or hate it, there’s no denying it was an important time for each of us.

It’s where we learned the rules and consequences of social interaction. It’s where we first loved and lost.

Where we first began to be ourselves.

So, here I am, fifteen years out and still learning from the experiences of those four years.

I think we can all learn a lot by taking some time, every now and then, and looking back.

At the absolute least, it lets us know that, if we’ve made it this far, we can probably keep going a bit more.